


Tell Me Everything You Saw

by Krasimer



Series: Do Not Go Gentle [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Doc Scratch and others unknown are dicks, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Forced Self-harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Memory Alteration, Sad Kankri, Self-Destruction, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3534812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krasimer/pseuds/Krasimer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is KANKRI VANTAS, and you think you might be about to faint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me Everything You Saw

Your name is KANKRI VANTAS, and you think you might be about to faint.

It's very weird, triggering even, to realize that you can still faint as a ghost. Especially when it's because the memories you've got don't seem to match up quite right. The white noise that seems to fill your think pan buzzes louder when you get closer to realizing this, to realizing that something isn't right.

If you're truthful with yourself, you cling to your trigger warnings and your outspoken views because you don't want to know what happens when you let your mind go silent. 

Something tugs at your mind, just beyond the edge of the buzzing, and you close your eyes and try not to cry. Your knees are pressed to your chest and your claws are digging into your own skin, leaving behind little pinpricks of red when you finally let go. You let out a harsh breath, shuddering and shaking as you jam your head between your knees, claws shifting to the soft skin on the back of your neck.

You think you hiss something, some combination of syllables that you would normally crack down on someone for saying. Your thinkpan is too muddled to tell, and you don't have the patience for trying to figure it out.

You don't know how long you sit there, jammed into the corner of your hive, alone and scared.

As it is with the silence, you don't want to know.

The buzzing continues on, growing deeper and harsher, for what feels like sweeps. It's a good thing that you're dead, you manage to piece together in thought, because otherwise you would be starving yourself into your grave right now.

You don't need food.

You don't need water.

You probably shouldn't have indulged as much as you did when you were alive. You could have gone without all of the things you had because maybe that's why you all died. Maybe the reason your battlefield was barren, your game session empty, was because you let yourself have too much.

The buzzing gets louder, and you drag your fingers around your head until they're posed above your eyes, claws on your brow. You take a deep breath, then let them fall, because maybe if you're blind then everything will just stop. Maybe if you can't-

Maybe if you sacrifice all of yourself, then everyone else will go back to their lives and be normal.

Maybe they'll be happy again.

Before your claws can make contact, someone grabs your hands, pulls them to their chest. They growl at you, growl even as they pull you into their lap and put their other hand on your back, pressing you against them and dropping their nose into your shoulder.

You can't even see who it is because they have your face pressed into their shoulder.

Eventually, your nerves calm down enough to let you feel the texture of fabric covering their hands. From there, you manage to feel the texture of a very familiar shirt, the painted on design of bones and ribs and beneath that is a highblood-temperatured body.

Both of your hands are lying flat on his chest as you pull back just enough to meet his eyes.

There's a stain on his shoulder now, a mixture of tears and blood, and you look away from it before you can start apologizing. Something catches in your throat, chokes your words away and you know it's because you can't apologize enough for what you did to the entire group of them. They're all dead, probably because of you, and you can never apologize enough. 

He breaks the...

You don't want to say silence, because it's still there. It will always be there when it comes to him and you, even as you converse with him.

 **'I needed to talk to you.'** he signs, and when you nod, he continues. **'Something happened to us, before we died, and the motherfucker that up and caused it needs to fucking pay.'**

"You shouldn't call someone that." you chide gently. 

He smiles, the stitches that keep his lips shut stretching with it. He shakes his head, then waves it away. **'Your memories are wrong, my little Seer.'** he makes a deep rumbling noise that sounds like it could be laughter. **'Someone up and broke us all, and then they took you from me.'**

You wince at his way of putting it, a hand covering one of your eyes. Before you can say anything, he reaches over and pulls it away, brushing his lips over your knuckles.

 **'No.'** he signs, as if that simple movement will put the entire thought of gouging them out to rest. He stops signing as he pulls both of your hands to him again, turning them over so that he can hide his own face in them. **'I didn't even know that-'** he breaks off in the middle of the words, his hands signing in the air even with his face hidden. **'I forgot, somehow, that you were mine.'**

You shake your head, chest clenching up. "You and Meulin. You're her matesprit. What are you- Kurloz, why are you telling me that you and I were together? You have never been with me. I think I would remember that." 

He sits up again, then pulls something off the collar of his shirt. A soft snapping sound echoes through the space between you before he reaches for your face again. 

You nearly wince backwards as he gently brushes the hair away from your eyes, his curled up hand stopping before it gets any closer. You can see it when it turns over, can see what he's holding, can see his fingers open up as he shows it to you. In the end, all the buildup that he put into it, and when he opens his gog damned hand, it's a hairclip.

The skull on one end of it is shaped like his makeup, crafted in a dimly gleaming metal that catches your eye.

The buzzing in your head stutters, then grows stronger.

He puts it in your hand, makes you leave your palm flat as he pulls out something else, something that he puts next to it. The second item turns out to be a length of chain with neatly polished spheres, the middle one bearing his initials.

And, as it turns out, yours.

When you make eye contact with Kurloz, he simply grins at you, teeth hidden behind his lips and stitches. The buzzing in your head goes even higher, developing a high-pitched whine at the base of it, and you finally do what has been threatened since you stumbled back into your memory of your hive.

You faint.

_'Kankri, No+!'_

_'MOTHERFUCKER, GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HANDS OFF OF HIM!'_

_'Shit, vwe gotta get him outta here!'_

A deeper voice, closer and breaking into your mind and implanting something that would haunt you for thousands of sweeps afterwards. _'This is all your fault.'_

Laughter that curls the hair on the back of your neck, and then, _'I want you to remember that.'_

As you sit up, you scream, throw yourself back against the wall and gasp for air that doesn't seem to want to come. When your hand drags across your throat, Kurloz takes it in his own again, puts it on his cheek and closes his eyes.

"I-" you cough, the rest of your sentence swallowed in the sound. "Kurloz, let go of me." you tug your hand away, trying to ignore the sad look that follows. "Oh. I didn't mean it- Look, brace yourself and make sure your head doesn't hit the ground, alright?" when he nods, you step back into the corner he found you in, then throw yourself at him.

He grunts as you connect, the both of you sliding across the floor. 

When you come to a stop, he flops his bent legs off to the sides and cradles you between them, hands running through your hair and mussing it. You laugh at him, then roll your eyes and return the favor, tilting your head into his hands.

You nudge upwards, then press your forehead to his. "Would you mind putting the clip in my hair? I missed having it."

He sits up with you still draped over his lap and pulls the clip from where it landed on the floor. When he goes to slide it into your hair, he stops, then shakes his head and clips it to the edge of his shorts. Before you can protest, he pulls off his gloves, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows and stretching his fingers.

 **'I think it's time.'** he signs at you, the smile back on his face.

When he slides the clip into your hair and presses it closed, he drags his fingers down your face and presses his lips to your forehead.

"Yeah." you nod slowly, tipping your head back and letting your lips meet his. "It's time." you whisper the words like a secret into his stitches, shaking as you drag him down on top of you. "It has been far too long, especially since we have not had civil conversation in the meantime and we avoided each other."

His eyes glow, and then there's a familiar presence on the edge of your mind and he's speaking in a voice you have not heard since you died. 

_**'Motherfucker had to figure out some way of keeping us all separated.'**_ he hisses the words into your thoughts. _**'Had to find some way of making sure that the truth was never found, seeing as his fucking purpose in killing us seemed to be destroying everything.'**_ he drags you close again, thumbs circling your temples, and he growls out loud. 

"Never again." you whisper, one hand sliding down his back and pressing him close. There's a heat beneath your skin that makes you almost embarrassed.

He seems to like it, however, seeing as he presses into you and runs his nose along your neck. 

**_'NEVER AGAIN.'_** is the howled response in your shared mindspace.


End file.
